I'm Over Starting Over

I recently turned 33 years old. This birthday was difficult for me. My previous employer did 3 rounds of layoffs and ended up closing down business operations in November. My time there ended in early June. My family had limited childcare during the summer due to daycare being closed, my mom being sick, and my mother-in-law having surgery. Therefore, my job search was on hold for a while.

When I did begin to apply for jobs, it was slim pickings. I have a wide range of experience in different fields - health coaching, Spanish, social services, management - but there was not a lot available. The jobs I did apply for didn't respond to me, even though I included cover letters and followed up on my applications. One of the jobs rejected me within 15 minutes of sending in the application, and sadly I was just so thankful I actually received a response instead of anxiously waiting. Several other people said that they were experiencing the same issues when applying for jobs. This was comforting, at the least, to know that I was not the only one struggling...although I wish that none of us qualified, passionate individuals needed to struggle this much to find work.

I finally got an interview for an entry-level position at a call center, for way less money that I had been making at my last two jobs. But it was the only opportunity I had, and finances were tight, so I interviewed and got the job. Now here I am, almost three months later, feeling extremely disappointed about where I am job-wise and financially at 33 years old. I have so much to give, and I feel like I'm meant for so much more. Even with my managerial and leadership experience, I'm required to stay in my position for one year before being able to advance. I'm being spoken down to like a child, but then also being told I'm doing awesome. I'm just too old for this. I have recognized a couple of things about myself that have led me to where I am in life.

#1 - I have so many interests, and get bored easily, which makes it hard for me to decide on just one area I want to work in for the rest of my life. This makes it extremely difficult to achieve stability in the "9 to 5" world.

#2 - I have serious issues with self-worth, confidence, and caring about what others think, which prevents me from doing the things I know I'm meant to do.

When I originally was planning out this blog post right after I got my new job, I initially was going to write about how it is ok to start over, no matter what age you are. However, after 3 months at my job, I realize that for me, this is not just about starting over. For me, it is more about the reason I keep starting over. Yes, I have several interests, which contributes to me having had several different types of jobs in different fields. However, another issue is that my true passions are not conventional 9 to 5 jobs. My true passions are not common, and I am surrounded by people who work in the conventional work setting. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but I have not allowed myself to fully lean into my passions, as they are not typical jobs. My problem is that I keep trying to fit myself into categories that are not meant for me. Can I do many types of conventional jobs that sort of interest me? Yes. Does that mean I should follow this path, just because this is what many others do? No. I should be allowed to follow my dreams. I need to give myself this permission, because no one else is coming to save me. I need to save myself. If I'm going to start over, it's going to be on my terms, doing what I'm meant to do. This was the entire purpose of me creating this website back in March 2025 - so that I have a space for my creativity and passions. But because of my insecurities, I have told only two people about this website, and I have not shared the link with them. I'm no longer going to live my life timidly stepping into what my passions are, and then keeping them secret. Or sharing just a little bit, backing away from embarrassment, and not sharing anything else until I reach another breaking point of feeling like I'm not living out my true purpose. No, this time, I'm leaning all the way in. After I publish this blog post, I'm finally going to share my website with everyone. It's time that I stop half-heartedly following my passions, and then feeling disappointed that I'm not stepping into my full potential. Writing is one of my passions, and I'm ready to share it.