Is This Real?

This is question #8 in Rachel Hollis' book "What If YOU Are the Answer?"

In this chapter, Rachel talks about social media, and how it affects our lives. She essentially broke it down into 3 elements - what we post, how others respond to what we post, and what we risk when we focus so much energy posting our lives on social media. I'm going to delve into each of these components.

1) What we post

Rachel discusses how many people only post their "highlight reels" - them and their families or friends at their best moments. Naturally, people want others to see them at their best. They don't want others to see the hard, not-so-pretty parts of their everyday lives.

My take on this - this does make sense to me. People want others to see how their lives are great. Often, this picture-perfect viewpoint is the only version of people that we see. On the flip side, I feel like we can all think of at least 1 person we know who posts only negative things about their lives. In both situations, the people get attention - the person who posts only good things gets a response, and the person who posts only bad things gets a response.

I do think that we can get caught up in thinking that the people who only post the good things truly have amazing lives 100% of the time. This is just not possible. We need to realize that no one's life is that picture-perfect at all times - they just aren't showing the other parts. Do people have to post their unglamorous moments? No, absolutely not. That is their choice. But as outsiders looking in, I hope that we don't get so caught up comparing our lives to these perfect-looking lives that we are only seeing one side of. Everyone struggles. Everyone's lives are boring a lot of the time. We just don't see that. Not everyone wants to post the difficult parts of their lives - and that is ok! So if I ask myself "Is this real?" in regards to the beautiful things people post - yes, I do believe for the most part that those beautiful moments exist. However, I fully believe and know down to my core that their lives cannot be like that 100% of the time. I also do believe that sometimes people post a lot of happy pictures to make it look like their lives are going really well, when in reality they going through are a lot of issues.

As for the ones who only post how terrible their lives are...that I believe is a deep issue of instability. Are their lives truly that bad all of the time? It's possible. Are they posting only bad things so they can find validation and attention? Definitely possible.

How do I personally navigate social media in regards to what I post? I think I'm somewhere in the middle. I of course post the beautiful, happy, and fun moments. But I also like to "keep it real" and post the not-so-pretty parts of life. Do I put a funny spin on it sometimes? Yes, because that is also what I do in real life - I take the "bad" things seriously, but I often add humor because otherwise I might lose my mind. I don't go as far as to post every single negative thing in my life in the greatest detail I can, but I don't post only picture-perfect moments. I'm not saying any way is the best way - I'm just saying that what you see on someone's social media is not the full picture.

Also in the category of what we post is when people plan to start something exciting, or when they do start something exciting. For example - someone posts that they signed up for their first marathon, or that they decided to go back to school. These are very exciting things, but a lot of the time we only see the initial post. We don't see the actual work. We don't see the early mornings and the late nights people spend training or studying. We don't see these parts because they're boring and hard - not always considered "social media worthy". The excitement comes from the initial announcement, and at the end when they cross the finish line (figuratively and literally).

2) How others respond to what we post

Rachel talks about how people look for validation from others when they post something - whether it is a beautiful picture of their family, or that they did something exciting like signing up for a marathon. She also talks about how anything we post on social media can be torn apart and criticized by others, no matter how harmless of a post it may be.

My take on this - let's start with when people post something positive and they receive a positive response. This provides a hit of dopamine. It's ok to admit this - it's human psychology. We feel good when others express love, praise, and positivity towards something important to us. I do! However, if we are desperately looking for validation from others on social media and basing our entire self-worth off of how many positive reactions we get, this can be damaging. Are their positive reactions real? Yes. But we should not base our whole self-worth off of a good reaction on social media. What about interactions in real life? What about our own feelings towards ourselves?

Now what about when we post something important to us and there is a lack of reaction? Just keeping it real again - this can be extremely disappointing. And it's ok to admit that. But, again - reactions on social media are not the only way to measure the validity of something you are doing. How do people outside of social media respond to the things you do or say? How do YOU feel about what you are doing? People are busy, and might not see every single thing you post online. Sometimes your content will get a ton of reactions, and sometimes it'll be crickets. But it is not the only way to measure the worthiness of what you are putting out there.

Now, what about when people judge and criticize what you post on social media? This can sting very badly. Again - it is ok to admit this. It is completely normal to feel disappointed or upset when someone negatively reacts or comments on something important to you. However, again - we should not base our entire self-worth or validity of what we are posting on the negative reaction someone has. Everyone has their own opinion. Do I think tearing someone else apart is a good way to express an opinion? No. To answer the question "Is it real?" in regards to the negative reactions we may experience from others on social media? For the most part, yes - I do believe it is real. You know the saying "drunken words are sober thoughts"? I do believe that the majority of what people say behind a keyboard are their true thoughts. Just like being intoxicated can lower inhibitions and cause people to say what they truly think and mean, I believe that being behind a keyboard can provide people with a sense of security, making them be more willing to express what they really think/feel. I do believe that the same person who would openly criticize you on social media might not react the same way if they were in-person, or at least to the same extent. They might think the negative opinions in their head, but might not actually say them out loud. Or, they might say them more tactfully and respectfully, just like a sober person might express their opinions in a nicer way than if they were intoxicated. Or, they might not provide their feedback unless you specifically ask for it, and then they would (hopefully) share their opinion in a kind way. All this being said, we cannot control how others react. All we can do is be our authentic selves, and try to not let someone's negative reaction on social media destroy us, or make us alter what we post just to try to please others. I've said this before - this has happened to me in the past, and it prevented me from moving forward with what I was working on. But I'm trying my best to not let this happen again.

3) What we risk when we focus so much energy posting our lives on social media

Rachel talks about how we can spend all of our time making sure we capture the moment on TikTok, or Snapchat, or Facebook - any social media platform - that we miss what is actually happening right in front of us in real life.

My take on this - I have definitely done this before. I think most of us have. We want to take pictures or videos of what is happening that all of our energy goes towards this instead of actually being present in the moment. We aren't present in the real moment because we're so worried about posting the moment. Now, in regards to capturing precious moments because we want to have them forever - yes, 100%. We want to make sure we have these memories saved. Let's be real here - how many childhood memories do we have saved? I personally do not have a lot. I was born in 1992 - it was pretty hard to capture memories back then. Nowadays we can capture any moment we want with the press of a button. Why wouldn't we take advantage of this? My kids will have thousands and thousands of pictures to look back on from their childhood when they are older, and I absolutely LOVE that for them (and feel a bit jealous about it too). I fully believe we should be taking photos and videos - not just of our kids' lives, but of our own as well. However - if we are constantly taking pictures/videos of everything happening in our lives, this inevitably takes away from our presence in the real moment. Especially if our sole mission is to just post them on social media for reactions. I believe it's all about balance - capturing a good amount of memories while also putting your phone down to enjoy a lot of these moments happening in real life.

What are your thoughts on social media and its realness?