What Do You Actually Need?

In this chapter, Rachel talks about needing something that she didn’t want in the moment. Something that irritates her, but she then realized it was what she needed.

What do I need, that in the moment might not feel good or might not be fun? That I might not want to do, but will help me heal, grow, and get stronger?

The first thing that came to mind that I need is more confidence. How does one get more confidence? What do I actually need in order to achieve this?

#1) I need to prove to myself that I can do hard things.

Confidence comes from doing something hard over and over, so that the receipts stack up and you realize you can do it.

I’ve been setting mini challenges for myself - in any category - to build my overall confidence.

• Get a certain number of workouts in a week

• Make a green juice and drink it 3 times this week

• Doing my face care routine even when I’m tired and want to go to bed

• Meal planning and meal prepping

• Having a complicated conversation with someone in Spanish

• Reading every day for a week

• Meeting my water goal

These can all seem individually small or irrelevant to confidence, but even if the challenges aren’t crazy or have nothing to do with something big you’re trying to accomplish, completing any challenge is hard. When you follow through with a promise or a goal you make for yourself, it builds overall confidence and trust in yourself.

#2) In order to do these hard things, I need to be my own coach and cheerleader. No one is going to cheer me on at 5am to do the workout, drink the green juice, read, or wash my face. No one is going to be like “chug, chug, chug” throughout the day so that I can meet my water goal even when I don’t want to take a break from what I’m doing. No one is going to force the healthy dinner down my throat, and then pin me down so I don’t eat any snacks. I have to do this all for myself.

When I accomplish something, no matter how small, I need to acknowledge it and celebrate it, even in my head.

If I don’t, why would my brain want to keep doing it without any recognition?

And if I’m not encouraging myself to do something that I don’t want to do, who is going to do that for me? Everyone has their own stuff going on. We can have accountability partners for certain things, but overall, when it comes down to it, we need to be our own accountability partner. When we accomplish something, we need to acknowledge it. And when we slip up on our goals, we need to hold ourselves accountable and talk through it with a positive attitude, like we do for others.

#3) Stop taking things so personally.

I am very sensitive. With low confidence, things people say can hurt, because you don’t have your own belief in yourself to protect you.

I’m working really hard to not take things personally, but sometimes I think - How do I not take something personally, if it was meant to be personal? What if it is a personal attack?

Then I thought - “Stop taking things personally, even if it is personal.

Because when it comes down to it, whether it’s meant to be personal or not, I don’t have to let myself take it in. That’s my choice.

#4) Time - this one is really hard for me.

I want things to happen fast, even when I know it’s not possible. Especially undoing years - decades - of internal wiring.

So I need to keep this in mind and remember how far I have come, because I am making progress. One day, if I keep working on myself, I will get to where I want to be. But in order to get to where I want to be, I need to do things that I don’t want to do, but need to do.