What Little Thing is Actually Big?

Last time, I spoke about Rachel Hollis' 4th question in her book "What if YOU Are the Answer?" Question number 4 was "What big thing is actually little?" Today's question - question number 5 - is "What little thing is actually big?" I was listening to what she had to say; she threw out some examples of what we could consider little but when we think about it, it is actually a big deal, and is actually important. She had mentioned something about ourselves, or our belief in ourselves. That sparked me to realize that this is my biggest answer to this question for myself.

So, what little thing is actually big for me? The answer: me. My relationship with myself. I minimize all the good things and maximize all the bad things. I think this is common. We are so mean, dismissive, and critical of ourselves, which has sort of become the norm. We give compliments and praise to others, we believe in others. We motivate, console, and lift others up. We help others feel better. We provide encouragement, reassurance, and empathy to someone who is going through a tough time, who is feeling low, or who doesn't believe in themselves. We help others by hyping them up and trying to help them see their own worth, because we see their worth. But they don't. The ironic thing is that we do all of this for someone else who doesn't see the potential in themselves, while at the same time we don't see the potential in ourselves. Our words and encouragement can only go so far for someone else, and the same applies for us. You can tell someone how amazing they are until you are blue in the face, but ultimately, they need to see it in themselves. It's the same for us.

Kind words from others are nice and feel good, but they only take us so far. If we don't actually believe it, how do we succeed? The answer is: usually, we don't. J.K. Rowling popped into my head just now while I was writing this. She created an entire Harry Potter universe in her head. Now I don't know about her backstory on whether she confided in people regarding what she was doing, or how she felt about what she was writing...but if she had told others her idea, I'm sure many people would have told her that she is an incredible writer with an amazing imagination. I'm sure her friends and family may have encouraged her to pursue her dream and write the book. But ultimately, it was up to her to write the words. It was up to her to believe that she had a captivating story to tell. And boy did she. Her friends and family couldn't do it for her. Did she have moments of doubt, imposter syndrome, or writer's block? There's a good chance. Maybe not, but there is a good chance. I believe that for her to have done what she did, and accomplish what she accomplished, requires some sort of belief in her own abilities.

Most successful people have self-confidence and believe they can do great things. There are also many wonderful people who could be extremely successful and captivate the world, but we will never know, because they don't see it or believe in themselves. We are a human being that deserves all the kindness that we are so quick to give others. We minimize it because it's ourselves. It's often easier to be kind to someone else and not ourselves because "Oh it's just me". But we're stuck with ourselves for life! We are the most important person in our life, but we minimize our importance. We lose sight of the fact that we are a human being who deserves the same respect we give others.

I didn't mean to get so philosophical with this answer, but here we are. This is strange to think about, but I think that the fact we are with ourselves all the time makes us not appreciate our own greatness. We can get bored, irritated, and on autopilot with ourselves and our own lives. We are so used to ourselves that we don't view ourselves as special. We just go through the motions. The fact that we are stuck with ourselves forever can make us lose sight of our significance. But at the same time, the fact that we are stuck with ourselves forever, means that we are so significant and influential to ourselves.

I have thought about this before. Here is a little hack that I try to use. I definitely will try to use it more often because I realize that I am stuck in the space of being monotonous and not believing in myself because I don't appreciate my own self. Try to think of yourself as a separate person. Since we tend to be so much kinder to others, let's try to think of our own selves as another person outside of ourselves. Some people do believe that this is how life is - there are people who believe our spirits, minds, or souls are a divine being in a physical body. The theory is that our spirit and bodies are separate - they work together, but we are using a physical body to do the motions to get us through life in order to fulfill our purpose as a spiritual being. Let's be there for that separate person (ourselves) the same way that we are there for others. Let's be kind to our separate self. Let's see their potential. Let's compliment the good and show compassion for the bad. Let's believe in our separate self as much as we believe in our friends, family, favorite singer, favorite athlete, favorite actor - anyone that we idolize. This relationship that we have with ourselves is forever. Let's stop treating it like it's something little, when it's actually quite significant.

This can sound corny, but I think that often times something sounds corny or cliche because we hear it so many times that it loses its meaning. But when it comes down to it, we are our own advocate. We are our own advocate for our health (especially with the healthcare system these days), we are our own advocate for standing up for ourselves, and for creating boundaries. Other people out there care about us, but WE are the most important person for ourselves because we have autonomy over ourselves. We are in control. If we control ourselves, how do you think it's going to work out if there is a voice inside of us constantly saying "You're ugly", "You're fat", "Your skin is awful", "Your teeth are crooked", "Look at that cellulite", "Look at that pooch". Many of us put down our physical appearance a lot, which does impact our emotional health. We also can be mean to ourselves in other ways aside from physical appearance - "You're not good at that", "What makes you think you could do that?", "Why would you be qualified?", "Are you really that good?", "You think you have the guts to do something like that?". We don't realize that this narrative and commentary is always going on, because it's become white noise. But the white noise still gets in there. It still affects us. We are just so used to it that it becomes normal. It's subconscious; we don't realize we're doing it. Especially because it's in our own voice.

I'm going to try this hack to think of myself as a separate person so that I can care about myself like I do for other people. I kind of use this technique with parenting, because I get so emotional with my kids. I say things, get mad, lose my patience...in those moments, I sometimes try to think of them as someone else's kids, then I can remove the emotions from the equation and be more diplomatic, more logical. It's more straightforward and I see things differently. I think it's the same kind of thing here - if you think of yourself as a separate person - would you really say those awful things to your best friend, partner, mom, dad, sister, brother, or anyone you care about? Would you say those mean things to them that you say to yourself? You say "No, of course not!" So then why is it like that with ourselves? We're so adamant that we would never speak like that to someone else, but we're so quick to speak like that to our own selves?

If any of you relate, I feel you. I get it. It's hard. But we are the most important person in our own lives.